The call that changed it all

Dad's dementia gets worse

Photo by Jenna Anderson on Unsplash

I am at dinner with a group of friends at a Mexican restaurant. We have been there for a couple of hours because the weather is beautiful this time of year in Louisiana. We are seated on the back patio laughing, talking, and enjoying margaritas. Now that my son is 16 and my daughter is in college, I can have somewhat of a social life again. I just made friends with this group of people at a Bourbon tasting event a few months prior.

At a break in the conversation, I reach into my purse to check my phone to see if my son called and where he was according to the Find My app on my phone. I have three missed calls from my dad’s friend, Gene, which seems odd. I get up from the table and walk to a quiet area.

I looked at my phone and called him back. The phone rings a few times before Gene answers.

“Amy?”

“Hi Gene, what’s up? Is everything ok? I see you called me a couple of times.”

It’s then I hear him crying, and I have a sudden feeling of terror.

“Amy, something is wrong with your dad.” He can barely get the words out.

“Ok. Is he ok? Tell me what’s going on.”

“I just hung up with him. He is out of his mind.” He sobs some more.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“I called to invite him to the Wild Game Dinner tomorrow night. He told me he can’t come because he has to meet a man and pay him a lot of money.”

“What man? Pay him for what?” I ask.

“I don’t know! I tried to ask him, but it didn’t make sense. He said he had to pay this man to stay out of jail. He said the FBI is after him.”

“Did he say when he was going to meet him? How much money?”

“He said early tomorrow morning. He wouldn’t tell me where because he said it was secret and he needed to do it to stay out of jail. Amy, I am worried about him getting hurt by someone. We have all noticed he has seemed off, but this is scary.”

“I understand, Gene. Look, he has dementia. It’s not always obvious to everyone. We have known for a while. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry. I’ll call you back with an update.”

“Ok. Ok. I’m just so worried about my buddy.”

“I know you are. Thank you for reaching out and letting me know.”

We say goodbye and hang up. I stood there a minute trying to reconcile in my mind what my next step was. I looked back over my shoulder at my friends enjoying themselves and oblivious to what just changed my entire evening…and ultimately, the next two years of my life.

“Fuck.” I say as I look down at my phone.
“Or as my dad would say, ‘Son. Of. A. Bitch’”, I think to myself.

I take a deep breath and call my brother, who lives in Columbus, Ohio, 2.5 hours south of my dad’s house. I explain what just transpired. He is surprised, but then again, not really. I ask him what we should do. He tells me to go back to my friends and enjoy myself, and he will call Dad and try to get more info.

Twenty minutes later, my brother texts me that he can’t get hold of my dad, and maybe I should try again. I messaged his neighbor and asked if any lights were on at my dad’s house or if his truck was parked out front. He confirms that my dad is home.

I walk away from my friends again and call my dad, who picks up after a few rings. He sounds like he had been sleeping.

“Hi Dad, what are you doing?”

“Oh, nothing. I just fell asleep watching tv.”

“Have you spoken to Gene recently?”

“Yeah, earlier today. He invited me to a dinner at the gun club. I told him I would go, but I have no interest and probably won’t go.”

“He called me tonight. He said he was worried about you.”

“Worried about me? Why would he be worried about me?” he asked.

“Well . . . You told him you had to go pay a man a lot of money to stay out of jail. What’s that all about?”

He does a little laugh like Gene is so silly or something.

“Amy, what am I supposed to do with this dog when I am gone?”

“What dog? Where are you going?” My dad does not have a dog and hasn’t for several years.

“Here’s the thing. I lost my hearing aids, and I need to go to court about it. I will have to be there all day. What do you think I should do with this dog? I don’t want to leave him in the house alone all day.”

“You have to go to court because of your hearing aids? Who told you that?”

“The VA. They are pissed and I have to pay to get another pair. I need to see the judge and pay him, or they will be after me. Can I leave the dog with some water and a blanket in the garage while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, Dad. That will be ok for the dog.”

“Ok. Good. So, what are you doing? Kid’s ok?”